Christmas
100 Funny Things to Write in a Birthday Card
Whether you’re sending a card, texting, or emailing, we’ve got tons of funny things to write in a birthday card like jokes and witty lines that are sure to brighten their day.
Adding a little humor to your best birthday wishes is the perfect way to bring a smile to someone’s face.
Feel free to cut and paste them right into your messages or use the fun images from this post.
Find hilarious and witty funny birthday wishes that’ll make anyone laugh! Perfect for your best friend, brother, sister, husband, wife, mom, dad, or bestie.
There’s no better way to show you care than by making someone laugh on their special day, and it’s always nice to spread a little extra joy when celebrating another trip around the sun!
“You’re not old” funny sayings for birthday cards
Whether it’s a milestone birthday or just another trip around the sun, the funniest birthday wishes include good jokes to keep the birthday person laughing all day.
A funny birthday card is the perfect excuse to remind them that they’re only as old as their Wi-Fi speed.
You’re how old? Sounds like fake news to me.
You’re not 50! You’re $45.95, plus tax.
You’re not 50, you’re 18 with 32 years of experience!
You’re not old, you’re just a classic!
You’re not old, you’re just chronologically gifted.
You’re not old, you’re just… vintage!
You’re not old, you’re retro!
You’re not old, you’re well-seasoned!
You’re not old. You’re just… experienced.
You don’t look a day over ‘Help, I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!’
You don’t look a day over… whatever age you’re lying about!
Growing old is like:
For the wisest person in your life, funny birthday quotes and age jokes are a great way to celebrate their best years with a little bit of humor.
After all, the good news is that gray hair means you’re one step closer to rocking the Gandalf look!
Growing old is like a bad haircut—it grows on you, but not always in the right places.
Growing old is like a camera—the focus isn’t as sharp, but the memories are still priceless.
Growing old is like a classic song—it never really goes out of style, but people don’t listen to it as much anymore.
Growing old is like a computer—eventually, you slow down and need an upgrade!
Growing old is like a fine wine—if you’re lucky, you just keep growing better with age, but too much and you feel awful the next day!
Growing old is like a flip phone—functional, but not as quick or stylish as it used to be.
Growing old is like a game of Tetris—just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, something unexpected drops on you.
Growing old is like a jigsaw puzzle—the pieces don’t always fit like they used to.
Growing old is like a long road trip—there are moments of excitement, but a lot of pit stops!
Growing old is like a pair of jeans—eventually, they stop fitting quite right, but you still try to squeeze into them.
Growing old is like a roller coaster—there are ups, downs, and sometimes you just want to throw up!
Growing old is like a used car—things start creaking, rattling, and need more maintenance, but you’re still running!
Growing old is like a yoga class—you’re all about balance, but sometimes you still fall over.
Growing old is like an all-you-can-eat buffet—you start with energy and excitement, but by the end, you’re just trying to survive.
Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional!
Growing old isn’t easy. Good job!
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Eat more cake funny birthday card messages
The best thing about birthday celebrations? Cake. Lots and lots of cake.
Funny birthday sayings and creative quotes are a fantastic birthday card addition to let the birthday person know they’ve earned every crumb—calories don’t count on special occasions!
Being an adult means your mom can’t stop you from eating an entire birthday cake. But your blood sugar might. Happy birthday.
Birthday cake is full of sugar and carbs and will probably raise your cholesterol. At your age you just ought to skip it and pass it on to me. Happy Birthday.
Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
Happy Birthday! Time to eat cake, take a nap, and repeat.
Let’s skip the birthday cake and go straight for the wine!
The secret to staying young, lie about your age and eat more cake!
You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!
Don’t count the candles, it’ll take you all day!
Don’t count your candles, just enjoy the glow.
Forget age. If you can still manage to blow out all the candles, consider it a win.
Your birthdays are now a serious fire hazard.
Is it hot in here? Oh no, that’s the candles on your cake.
No gift, no problem
Forgot the gift card? No problem!
A funny birthday message can be the perfect gift when delivered with lots of love and a personal touch. And hey, if they really wanted something fancy, they should’ve mentioned it last year!
Forget the past, you can’t change it. Forget the future, you can’t predict it. Forget the present, I didn’t get you one!
On your birthday be present in the moment. Just don’t expect a present at this moment.
I was going to get you a gift, but then I remembered… you already have me!
You’ve got it all! Intelligence, good looks, great talent, and charm. So you don’t need a gift right?
This year I’m giving you the gift of lower expectations. Happy Birthday!
I didn’t get you a present this year… but I promise I’ll make it up to you by forgetting again next year!
I think having me as friend is gift enough, but I got you this card anyway.
Please accept this greeting as a token of my poverty.
Happy Birthday! I hope you’re not looking for a present because my presence is my gift to you.
I can’t think of a better gift than my friendship.
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Lots more funny things to write in a birthday card
From the funniest birthday wishes to heartfelt messages with a bit of humor, there’s no shortage of inspiration for creative birthday card ideas.
Whether it’s for work besties, family members, or that one friend who loves dad jokes, the perfect birthday card is all about bringing smiles on their big day. Go ahead—make their day with the funniest things you can think of!
I spent two hours scrolling the internet for your perfect birthday message. Then I gave up. Happy Birthday.
Age is like underwear— it creeps up on you when you least expect it.
Aging is mandatory, adulting is optional. Let go and enjoy your day!
Another year closer to moving to Florida! Enjoy!
Another year older, but still none the wiser!
Another year, another prescription, but still kicking. Happy Birthday.
Another year, another wrinkle. Happy Birthday!
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. Happy Birthday!
At least you’re not as old as you will be next year!
You can now cross “dying young” off your list of things to worry about. Happy Birthday!
May you grow so old that you start accidentally scaring young children.
At your age, you should really start lying about your age.
You thought you’d never become a grumpy old man, but here you are, killing it! Happy Birthday!
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Birthdays are great! The more you have, the longer you live.
Remember, you can be anything you want to be. Except younger. Happy Birthday!
Congrats on one more year of dodging adult diapers.
Congrats, you’ve officially reached the ‘old enough to know better’ stage!
Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.
Don’t worry about getting older… you’re still younger than you’ll be next year.
Don’t worry, you’re not growing older, just more distinguished… like a fine cheese.
Happy Birthday to one of the few people important enough that I can remember their birthday without Facebook.
Happy Birthday to someone who is smart, gorgeous, funny and reminds me a lot of myself.
Happy Birthday! May your Facebook wall be filled with wishes from people you never talk to.
Happy Birthday! You’re one step closer to Velcro shoes.
Here’s to another year of making it look like you know what you’re doing!
Here’s to another year of not letting age define you… unless it’s for a discount!
Here’s to another year of questionable decisions and no regrets!
I’d compare you to a fine wine, but wine doesn’t wrinkle, sag, or lose its hearing. Happy Birthday you old bulldog
I’m not saying you’re old, but your birth certificate is written in Roman numerals.
If age brings wisdom, you must be one smart cookie.
If gray hair is a sign of wisdom, then you must be a genius!
If things get better with age, then you’re approaching perfection.
It’s your birthday! Time to party like it’s 1999… because you might remember it.
Old enough to know better, but still young enough to do it anyway and get away with it.
Smile while you still have teeth!
Some people get forgetful as they get older. Apparently, you forgot to look older.
The older I get, the more I realize that I am still a little younger than you! Happy Birthday.
They say age is just a number. Yours is just really, really high!
Turning a year older pairs well with wine! (wink, wink; clink! clink!)
Welcome to the age where ‘happy hour’ is a nap!
Wishing you a birthday as epic as you pretend your life is on Facebook!
You will never be as young again as you are today, so have fun. But be careful too, because you have never been this old before either. Happy Birthday.
You’re aging like a fine wine… or maybe more like a slightly overripe banana.
You’re one year closer to that senior discount. Enjoy!
You’re only young once. But you’ve shown it’s possible to be delightfully immature for a lifetime.
You’re the youngest you’ll ever be right now. Enjoy it!
You’ve still got it… even if you can’t always remember where you put it!
Everyone gets to be young once. Today it’s official, your turn is over. Happy Birthday!
May your birthday cake be moist, and may no one use that word to describe it.
I smell old people! Oh, wait no that’s just you. Happy Birthday!
Age is just a number, and in dog years, you’re practically a puppy!
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More Funny Birthday Wishes
And wait, there’s more! Many of my other posts have whole sections packed with even more funny things to write in a birthday card, so if you didn’t find exactly what you need here, be sure to explore those too.
- Best Birthday Wishes for Everyone: The Ultimate Guide
- Well Written Birthday Wishes for all occasions
- Belated Birthday Wishes
- Religious Birthday Wishes
- Short and Simple Birthday Wishes
- Birthday Wishes for Life’s big Milestones
Don’t forget to pin these funny things to write in a birthday card:
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